After surgery and HOME

Home after a long few days.  Our boy is the most brave 2 year old I have ever known.  He has gone through such a lifetime of hard and he isn't even 3 years old yet.  So hard to explain to Matt that so many of these things are going to hurt, but we have to do it to make him better.  He has been less than excited  to have bandages removed, wounds cleaned and medicine put on.  Thankfully, he has been an angel taking his liquid meds by mouth.

Originally, I was the only one who was going to to stay overnight with Matthew at the hospital.  During our last hospital stay, we had a very nice private room with its own bathroom and a fold out couch. This time after waiting over two hours for his room assignment, they wheeled us up to a semiprivate room with 4 patients per room and no bathroom.  My heart just sank.  I knew Matt would have a really difficult time with being left alone every time I had to leave the room.  Unfortunately, abandonment is never far away in his memory, and when I say really difficult I mean terror and panic stricken with a cry that will pierce your heart.  He has come so far in the past 9 months, but throw in pain and a hospital we are back to square one.  Did I mention the room also had a about 25 people visiting in it when we arrived with only a semiprivate curtain  semi-separating us from the next bed? Ugh, so much for privacy, too. Thankfully, Jeff is my rock and didn't think twice to stay and share our glamorous accommodations together. 

It's best that this picture is blurry...

Over the two nights, we shared our not so semiprivate room with 5 different babies, two being under a month old.  I can't imagine the circumstances and I find it hard to believe that decisions were made easily, but most of these babies didn't have anyone with them for most of their stay (where did all the people from the night before go??) These babies were so different  when then did have someone there to hold them, it was heartbreaking to see the difference.  Strangely, there wasn't any monitoring device to let the nurses know when the babies were crying.  This was fine if the door was open and they could be heard, but they were out of luck if it the door was closed.  I frequently would pop my head out the door to let the nurses know the babies needed someone.  I really believe it did Matt's heart so much better to have both of us there the whole time.  He has had his time being without parents, if I can help it he won't ever know the experience again. 

Matt's face has a huge road to recovery.  It is really hard to see him in pain, bruised, sutured and swollen.  Right now his left eyelid is sewn shut to prevent his eye from sagging.  His cheek is also taped down to help with the swelling.  His incision goes alongside his nose and up all the way under his eye.  The surgeon asked us if we wanted to see pictures of the surgery, I could only take a few peeks.  It is astonishing and I promise not to post any pictures.  The surgeon was able to remove a 3 inch tumor and all the remaining lymphatic tissue that was above the line of the facial muscles.  At one point, the mass went all the way from just under the skin to the mucosa of the inside part of his mouth.  The surgeon tested all the muscles and nerves and everything was still working.  It may take a couple of months for it all of them  to be working up to speed though.  And oh joy, we also have a another drain to take care of, too. I will have to say after having my super barfer Robbie, I have grown very accustomed to handling vomit, but blood and incisions have not entered my comfort circle with the barf yet. Still no nursing career in my future.  

As I mentioned before, there is still some of the mass left over.  To remove that, Matt will have to surgery from underneath the muscles or schlerotherapy (injecting fluid to shrink it).  Since his tumor was in hundreds of little pieces (microcsytic), he wasn't able to have the schlerotherapy before, but now its an option since its smaller.  There is a very good chance part of the mass could grow back, to what degree we don't know.  Since so much has been removed, his post surgical cheek (without the swelling) is pretty flat.  They were able to put some fat in there, again we will have to wait to see if additional fat is needed (can I be a donor??)  to plump it back to normal.  The surgeon says that the incision under his eye should heal with hardly a trace, the other one will be visible but somewhat camouflaged in the natural occurring crease. 

We return Monday to the surgeon for a check.  Matt could sure use all your prayers for healing, for the mass to stop growing and that his bandages would be removed painlessly as possibly.  I am hanging on to lots of hope that there will amazing results and miracles in the months and years to come and that God will be using all of this for great things that we can't just see yet.  

Out of surgery

Matt out of surgery around 2:00 pm.  Plastics report was that procedure was "more than perfect".  About 70% of the tumor was removed and there doesn't appear to be any damage to his smile, muscles or nerves.  At this point we are still waiting to go back and see him.  He still may need some minor cosmetic procedures in the future.  They think he should be able to come home tomorrow.  God is good.    

Off to surgery

Matt went back to anesthia around 7:45 am and the actual surgery started an hour later.  He was really smiley this morning and actually very peaceful.  He knew he was having his cheek worked on (as was his monkey curious George ).  He had his whole collection of monkeys with him and really enjoyed playing with some of the new  toys we packed (surgery has to have some perks!!)    We definitely feel covered in prayer.  As I woke up this morning to get ready and finished packing our bags for our stay - I was definitely reminded of 9 months ago.  We were packing our bags for china and up at the crack of dawn - excited and not so sure of what was going to be in store for us all.  Such a similar feeling today.  Praying for the best possible results, but having to trust God to care for all the details no matter what. 

 Its hard to think about the scarring that Matt will have and very hard that this is his to carry.  Last week we had some pictures taken of Matt.  As I looked at the proofs, I mentioned to the photographer that you couldn't even see his present scar in the picture.  I looked again, and yes it was visible.  But boy can that boy take some cute pictures!  After awhile, I think I  just forget it's there and just look past it. Hope that's the same for everyone else, too. Even though they are his scars are his to carry, they will be his to share, too.  I am praying it includes a story of great hope and grace.  A story of how God has been at work in his life from the time he was formed and brought him home across the ocean.  How God took what made him an orphan and used the very same thing to make him a treasured son.  

Senior Night - Last Home Game

Shelby had her last home football game this past weekend, sniff sniff.  Senior year is going to be rough on this momma.  I am pretty sure it was just a few  a few years ago that Jeff and I were band, wasn't it?? Shelby helped to write and plan the senior band show which was spy themed.  It was nice for the kids to finally just have fun at their half time show since they are a competition band for the rest of the marching season.   This past year, Shelby got to be Co-section leader and a squad leader for the trombone section. This really is a nice group of kids and so proud of Shelby being a part of the band for the past 4 years.  There were 5 seniors in the trombone section, Shelby being the lone girl. She is off to State Band Competition next month and to  Phoenix after Christmas to march in the Fiesta Bowl Parade.  People kept warning me how busy the kids are their senior year, she sure is and it's going by in a flash!

                                                  Senior Band Members

                       We are getting good at this walking across the field stuff...

   Love this!! One of the seniors is named Matt, too.  Shhh don't tell Matthew, he thinks it was for him ;)

                                                I always knew she could dance!

                                I never knew Austin Powers could play the trumpet

Fall fun!

Torn between his two loves - bass drumming or

 

 

 football...

 



Our first taste of moon cakes to celebrate our version of the autumn moon festival.  Let's say the rest of us were not big fans of the white lotus seed paste moon cakes.  The dumplings were delicious!

First pumpkin compliments of Luther's Farms.  We began practicing for Trick or Treat today - Matt knocked at the door & said trick or treat - and I opened the door to give him candy in his plastic pumpkin.  I would love to know what is going through his little mind - crazy Americans....

Cousins behaving with their pumpkins from Grandma's "Pumpkin Patch"

Cousins misbehaving

 

Teenagers seniors and their texting



Mr. Football and Mr. Football jr

Mr. Football - Robbie's team just made the playoffs this past weekend.  So excited for them, but I am beginning to think the fall sport season will never end...

Speaking of fall sports never ending, neither is the fall marching season - Shelby's band qualified for state this weekend.  Way to go!! Good to see my 30 year old trombone is still holding out! 

Growing in length, love and learning

This boy of ours is still growing like a weed.  He has now grown a total of 4 inches since he has been home and 2 1/2 shoes sizes!  The shoe on the left was one of the ones we bought him in China and the one on the right I just bought last week. I think he and Robbie are in a race to see who can grow faster.  

We had our final visit with the adoption clinic at Children's Hospital a few weeks ago. We saw a developmental specialist, psychologist and and a regular medical doctor who specializes in adopted children.  Our last visit with them was 6 months ago.  It's nice to run by them the things that always have you wondering about as a mom, especially with a child that you don't know their background.  The bad part is that the appointment usually runs about 3 hours.  The good news is that Matthew is catching up to just about where he should be developmentally.  His articulation is still a bit behind, but that still appears to be a product of his cheek.  

 

At around the 2 hour mark of our appointment, we saw the psychologist.  Matthew was wiped out and hungry, so of course he took this chance to eat his very messy Ritz crackers on the dr's couch and glass table.  That is when he spotted my wipes and bottle of water and he was giving me this look.  I could tell by the look that he wanted to "clean" the place up in his special toddler way.   I could only imagine what a baby wipe would do to his glass table???? I attempted to divert him and prevent a tantrum while I chatted with the doctor,  but when my son has his mind set on something - watch out! The doctor finally said - put the water bottle away and let's see what he does.  Seriously?? I just wanted to slide under the couch.  I did as he said and somehow it made it easier to watch the tantrum when we had the psychologist's permission.  Thankfully it didn't last too long.  He pitched his fit, finally relented and then crawled up on my lap for comfort.

 Kids who grow up in institutions don't usually go to their caregivers for comfort, they have always grown up knowing there was never anyone to depend on to offer comfort. Initially Matt didn't come to us either. It is the saddest thing to watch when your child is hurting and he wants to be by himself.  The long and short of our visit it all was that Matthew for the most part he is very much like other 2 year olds. The psychologist was confident that he was attaching well and we could move on to raising him just like our other kids for the most part.He said to expect some regression in his behavior following the surgery, which we saw a little bit of with the last surgery. The doctor also told us to expect flashbacks which I can definitely see once and awhile, nothing too traumatic, but I can see his thoughts definitely pondering something far off at times.  

 The other thing we see some of - is the anxiety of being left behind or taken somewhere, the doctor said this to is "normal".  Matt has lost his entire world so many times.  Recently,  a friend pulled up to our front door in her van and we started to take his car seat and a bag to her car - the sheer look of terror on his face initially really surprised me, and then I remembered.  In the past, van rides preceded moves to new places and loss of all his caregivers.  What a relief for him to see I was going with him.  Any immediate family member putting on shoes/jackets will usually have Matt's attention.  He checks out the situation and see if he needs to prepare too.  He also wants to put his shoes or personal items right next to and in the same position as someone else's in the family. It's as if he is saying -  If you see my things next to yours, you won't forget to take me with you??

It is amazing to look back on the past almost 8 months and see how far he has come.   He really is almost like any other 2 year old boy.  He loves to play with toys & stuffed animals, play football, be read to, watch tv and play the ipad. These were all things he could have mostly cared less about the first few months home.  His favorite thing to say is "Matt do" - he really will try anything and wants to do EVERYTHING by himself.  I am constantly reminding him that moms and dads are here to help their kids and he can depend on us.  

Overall Matthew is just a lovable boy and he is so proud to be called a brother and a son. It has been amazing and life changing for us to watch the transformation in our son.  Kids are wired to be in families, it's as important as air and water.  I think back to when we visited his orphanage.  He was trying smack away (he hasnt been a hitter since that day) all his caregivers after being with us just for one day.  He clung to us for dear life and were complete strangers the day before.  24 hours with stranger parents won out over everything he ever knew to be familiar in his entire life.  I am humbled daily that we get to be his parents.  I am so thankful to God for growing Matthew in our hearts.  

                          

                             

Git er done...

Matthew's surgery date has been moved to the end of October. We knew he needed a few other procedures and we asked if we could combine them all at once.  The doctors thought this was a good idea too and we were able to find a new surgery date to put it all together.  It the words of Larry the cable guy - git er done!  Matt will now miss Halloween (our local trick or treating is on the actual day).  You don't tend to miss what you don't know about, but he is not one to ever miss candy :)  We will have to tag on to another community's earlier trick or treating.  He loves his new football uniform/halloween costume.  He religiously puts it on every time Robbie puts his on and takes it off when Ro gets home.  Unfortunately he also sticks it in the same stinky pile with Robbie's uniform...