Thursday, January 31, 2013
Baby picture
We just received Matthews baby picture from when he was almost 3 months old. We also learned that he was at Maria's big House of Hope from June 17, 2011 through August 13, 2012. We cannot even begin to thank them for keeping him and taking care of him. We so badly wanted to visit there yesterday, but it is just too much for him right now. He was so panicked in the car ride on Tuesday. We heard from the others that went that it was awesome and that his nannies asked about him.
Another new son!
In the craziness of the past week, I haven't had the chance to share a bit of awesomeness of God at work. Jeff's sister Jenny and her husband Adam have been in process to adopt domestically. It has been a rough road for them this past fall, but shortly before we left they got the call they had been waiting for and they are now the proud parents of little Wesley Adam. We will get to meet each others sons for the first time when we come home. How awesome will it be for these two little boys, who have blessed their families through adoption to have each other living next door.
Settling in at the Crowne Plaza
Spent the day in at our home away from home at the Crowne Plaza. Little man had quite a few meltdowns yesterday which he is very entitled to do. He is so weary of any changes, so we stayed put in the hotel. Today went much better, only a few meltdowns and they didn't last too long. Breakfast went really smooth, too. He enjoyed two eggs, noodles, congee, fruit, Chinese like Cheerios, carrots, bok choy and some toast. He would of stayed the whole morning eating if we would have let him. Matthew had his first ketchup today too and seems to enjoy it as much as his cousin Leland. He was delicately picking up the fries and dipping them. He would have made Jeff's grandpa Big Frank proud today, Matthew made himself a tasty dish of crumpled up Pringles, Asian Pears and hard boiled eggs. He grabbed a spoon and fed himself, we didn't realize he could do this. He may not share any of our genetic material, but boy does he remind us of so many family members.
You can tell food has not been abundantly available for him. He is happiest to have a piece of food in his hand, both hands preferably. When he has tasty cookie, he will savor it taking the tiniest bites. He picks up any crumb on the floor. For the first time today, he actually threw some pieces of carrot on the ground - usually he does not waste one bit. He cannot give you back his bottle unless every drop is gone. He happily slurped down his chinese cough medicine - and it seems to be working. All of our babies seem to be dealing with some type of cough and respiratory issues. One went to the hospital tonight with what sounded like croup, please keep them all in your prayers.
Huihui is just starting to verbalize a little bit, its in there waiting to come out. When Jeff left for a meeting, I asked him where Baba went and he pointed to the door. Matthew gave us his first kisses today too. He loves to come and run into your arms to be picked up. His hugs aren't "tight" yet though but are getting better. He wont have anything to do with anyone else, his allegiance is with mama and baba. The hotel has a playroom that looks eerily like Matthew's orphanage playroom, he didn't want any part of it. I almost bought those same foam mat puzzle pieces for the corner of our dining room floor to make it more familiar for him, good thing I didn't!
Bath time has moved from a thirty second speed wash, to standing in the water for a few minutes, to squatting and finally sitting and playing today. We have gone rogue and have decided to dress him in only a single layer. We know the Chinese are worried about their babies' health, but it isn't good to be soaked in sweat either. Our guess is that no one would ever come up to give us advice on Matthew. This sweet lovable boy is very much discriminated against here. We have had heard similar stories here from other adoptive parents who have children with special needs that make them look "different".
This kid is amazing in so many ways and it is a fantastic feeling to be earning the right to be his parents. We want to thank you all for the prayers, we certainly have felt a lot of peace. We miss Shelby and Robbie so much and can't wait for them to meet their little brother.
You can tell food has not been abundantly available for him. He is happiest to have a piece of food in his hand, both hands preferably. When he has tasty cookie, he will savor it taking the tiniest bites. He picks up any crumb on the floor. For the first time today, he actually threw some pieces of carrot on the ground - usually he does not waste one bit. He cannot give you back his bottle unless every drop is gone. He happily slurped down his chinese cough medicine - and it seems to be working. All of our babies seem to be dealing with some type of cough and respiratory issues. One went to the hospital tonight with what sounded like croup, please keep them all in your prayers.
Huihui is just starting to verbalize a little bit, its in there waiting to come out. When Jeff left for a meeting, I asked him where Baba went and he pointed to the door. Matthew gave us his first kisses today too. He loves to come and run into your arms to be picked up. His hugs aren't "tight" yet though but are getting better. He wont have anything to do with anyone else, his allegiance is with mama and baba. The hotel has a playroom that looks eerily like Matthew's orphanage playroom, he didn't want any part of it. I almost bought those same foam mat puzzle pieces for the corner of our dining room floor to make it more familiar for him, good thing I didn't!
Bath time has moved from a thirty second speed wash, to standing in the water for a few minutes, to squatting and finally sitting and playing today. We have gone rogue and have decided to dress him in only a single layer. We know the Chinese are worried about their babies' health, but it isn't good to be soaked in sweat either. Our guess is that no one would ever come up to give us advice on Matthew. This sweet lovable boy is very much discriminated against here. We have had heard similar stories here from other adoptive parents who have children with special needs that make them look "different".
This kid is amazing in so many ways and it is a fantastic feeling to be earning the right to be his parents. We want to thank you all for the prayers, we certainly have felt a lot of peace. We miss Shelby and Robbie so much and can't wait for them to meet their little brother.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Luoyang visit
Hello from the Zhengzhou! This is our fourth day here and our third day with Matthew. This is our first day with nothing to do, it has been nonstop running around. We are finally finished with this round of paperwork and Matthew is now officially 100% ours. Sorry for this really long post and poor writing.
We received Matthew on Monday. OnTuesday we had to make everything official and then head out to his birth city. Henan province is the only province that makes families return to their birth cities to apply for their baby's passport. The ride was 2.5+ hours to Luoyang and we had four other families plus our guide accompany us. About an hour into the ride, it became apparent to Matthew that he has made this trip before. In Matthews life, any rides in a car have all meant a huge change in his life. Our little guy was so scared and it only heightened when we went into the police station to apply for the passport. We can only describe the police station as the BMV But 50 timed worse. Tons of people, some smoking, all hammering around to file papers at once. Matthew was into full out panic when it became our turn to present him to the desk for his picture. Several chinese women tried to come over and quiet him, but it only seemed to make it worse. The older ladies were putting hard candies into his mouth to calm him down, scary when he was arching his head back in full scream. I quickly dug them back out of his mouth.
I finally left Jeff with everything and headed to the quietest part of the room near the door. I had gone through our whole arsenal of toys and finally busted out the Chips Ahoys. It was cool near the door and this universal comfort food did the trick. (The chips ahoy have been quite settling to our stomachs too, kind of like a tums;) he finally settled down.
Matthew has been in the Luoyang orphanage for the past 4-5 months after his time at Maria's Big House of Hope. All of the families traveling back with us had children who had spent time at Luoyang. We decided as a group that we should take a small visit To the Luoyang orphanage. Visiting the orphanage sounds cruel, but it has proven to be a sense of closure for many of the children and we hoped the same for Matthew. Our poor boy, didn't want anything to do with the orphanage. We stepped one foot inside his playroom and that was enough for him, such sad sobbing. Our guides reassured him that he wasnt staying and that he was going home with his momma and baba. We stayed in the hall and jeff and I took turns snapping some pictures of where he slept and of his crib mate. It was too much for Jeff and I too, we were both crying. One of the nannies came up to Matthew to see him and he slapped her away. Our 8 hour (without dinner or diaper changes) round trip finally brought us back to the hotel completely spent.
Jeff and I think that Matthew most likely was not treated in any high regard with many of the people here because of his cheek. While most chinese have been very nice to us, many point and makes remarks about Matthew. Now that he has been with us, he gets very tense in the presence of Chinese people.
He is showing a lot of signs of attachment to us. He constantly holds his arms up to us and prefers to be held a lot - we love it! He was constantly reaching to touch us in the middle of the night. He is grieving too, this is something he must do, but often heartbreaking for us to watch. Breakfast in the hotel brought out some panic today. By the time he got back to the room, he was having a full out throw down fit, trying to push us away. He wouldn't allow us to pick him up, so we stayed near and let him cry it out. He finally gave in and we "hugged it out". Today was marked by several crying fits, but they have gotten a little less severe and shorter as the day has gone by. We made a speed trip to Walmart and KFC in the stroller, but that too ended up with mama hugging it out the last few blocks home all while dodging Motor bikes on the sidewalk coming at us in all directions. He finally settled down and enjoyed his first French fries and chicken when we made it back.
This evening, A lot of the families decided to meet out in the hall for some adult time and kid play time, I wasn't expecting this to go to well. We were very surprised that it did and it was so nice to become a part of the living once again. These families have been a tremendous source of support, encouragement and a lot of fun. matthew has enjoyed playing with an empty water bottle and the stacking cups, and even did so by himself for a little while, while we actually caught our breath - it's tough work entertaining and living out of a hotel room with a toddler who doesn't understand you. So we Ended the night with a bath, which ended with smiles, a bottle and now sound asleep in his crib.
We received Matthew on Monday. OnTuesday we had to make everything official and then head out to his birth city. Henan province is the only province that makes families return to their birth cities to apply for their baby's passport. The ride was 2.5+ hours to Luoyang and we had four other families plus our guide accompany us. About an hour into the ride, it became apparent to Matthew that he has made this trip before. In Matthews life, any rides in a car have all meant a huge change in his life. Our little guy was so scared and it only heightened when we went into the police station to apply for the passport. We can only describe the police station as the BMV But 50 timed worse. Tons of people, some smoking, all hammering around to file papers at once. Matthew was into full out panic when it became our turn to present him to the desk for his picture. Several chinese women tried to come over and quiet him, but it only seemed to make it worse. The older ladies were putting hard candies into his mouth to calm him down, scary when he was arching his head back in full scream. I quickly dug them back out of his mouth.
I finally left Jeff with everything and headed to the quietest part of the room near the door. I had gone through our whole arsenal of toys and finally busted out the Chips Ahoys. It was cool near the door and this universal comfort food did the trick. (The chips ahoy have been quite settling to our stomachs too, kind of like a tums;) he finally settled down.
Matthew has been in the Luoyang orphanage for the past 4-5 months after his time at Maria's Big House of Hope. All of the families traveling back with us had children who had spent time at Luoyang. We decided as a group that we should take a small visit To the Luoyang orphanage. Visiting the orphanage sounds cruel, but it has proven to be a sense of closure for many of the children and we hoped the same for Matthew. Our poor boy, didn't want anything to do with the orphanage. We stepped one foot inside his playroom and that was enough for him, such sad sobbing. Our guides reassured him that he wasnt staying and that he was going home with his momma and baba. We stayed in the hall and jeff and I took turns snapping some pictures of where he slept and of his crib mate. It was too much for Jeff and I too, we were both crying. One of the nannies came up to Matthew to see him and he slapped her away. Our 8 hour (without dinner or diaper changes) round trip finally brought us back to the hotel completely spent.
Jeff and I think that Matthew most likely was not treated in any high regard with many of the people here because of his cheek. While most chinese have been very nice to us, many point and makes remarks about Matthew. Now that he has been with us, he gets very tense in the presence of Chinese people.
He is showing a lot of signs of attachment to us. He constantly holds his arms up to us and prefers to be held a lot - we love it! He was constantly reaching to touch us in the middle of the night. He is grieving too, this is something he must do, but often heartbreaking for us to watch. Breakfast in the hotel brought out some panic today. By the time he got back to the room, he was having a full out throw down fit, trying to push us away. He wouldn't allow us to pick him up, so we stayed near and let him cry it out. He finally gave in and we "hugged it out". Today was marked by several crying fits, but they have gotten a little less severe and shorter as the day has gone by. We made a speed trip to Walmart and KFC in the stroller, but that too ended up with mama hugging it out the last few blocks home all while dodging Motor bikes on the sidewalk coming at us in all directions. He finally settled down and enjoyed his first French fries and chicken when we made it back.
This evening, A lot of the families decided to meet out in the hall for some adult time and kid play time, I wasn't expecting this to go to well. We were very surprised that it did and it was so nice to become a part of the living once again. These families have been a tremendous source of support, encouragement and a lot of fun. matthew has enjoyed playing with an empty water bottle and the stacking cups, and even did so by himself for a little while, while we actually caught our breath - it's tough work entertaining and living out of a hotel room with a toddler who doesn't understand you. So we Ended the night with a bath, which ended with smiles, a bottle and now sound asleep in his crib.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Good morning!
Smiley just woke up! He slept through the whole night, which is just what mama and baba needed. We were able to give him a speed bath last night before bed, too. Another big day today.
He's Here!
We received Matthew from the civil affairs office this afternoon after a very long wait, he and the other children from luoyang arrived about 2 hours later then the other children. He was all smiles when he arrived after his very long car journey, gripping a snack. He really seems to like us and will hold up his arms for us to pick him up. He does have a bad cold and quite a cough which we are keeping an eye on. Matthew is much smaller than we thought, none of his shoes fit that we brought. He has very dry skin and puts his hands behind his head just like his older brother. He is a fantastic eater and loves snacks. He had a fried egg and congee for lunch. He has been sad when lying down and cries when we change him. Right now he is watching a little Pleasant Goat with Jeff. Huihui (which we are calling him now) plays with cars and especially the stacking cups, always moving his hands. Hope to post more later, another full day of running around. Oh, and our bus hit a car on our way back to the hotel. Sorry for the crazy post! Prayers for bonding and that his cough gets better would be much appreciated.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Getting ready to leave
Leaving in 30 minutes to meet Matthew for the first time, he is in a car coming to our city as I write. He spent his last night as an orphan last night. I just made my first bottle to take with us. We received an update yesterday and it says he can use the potty a little bit, but still wears diapers. He is afraid of strangers, but can be calmed down with a treat. He also enjoys riding on a dog toy. He still takes formula and drinks a mixture of chrysanthemum water. Taking a bottle with the chrysanthemum water but there are no directions on how to make it. It kind of reminds me of Tang??
So excited and nervous!! I wanted to share my Bible reading for today. "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the 99 in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it. And when he finds it he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says rejoice with me, I have found my lost sheep."
God has been so faithful to us, we anxiously await sharing our Matthew with you.
So excited and nervous!! I wanted to share my Bible reading for today. "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the 99 in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it. And when he finds it he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says rejoice with me, I have found my lost sheep."
God has been so faithful to us, we anxiously await sharing our Matthew with you.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Beijing day 3
On the move!!! Day three had us starting at the Jade factory and then off to the Great Wall. The Great Wall has been our favorite. We had two routes to pick, we chose the steeper route because it was a shorter walk to the first signal tower. Talk about steep! Some steps seemed few inches high and other were 18 inches high. Definitely got our exercise in! We had lunch at the cloisonné factory - rice, duck, shrimp (with their eyes still attached), Chinese whiskey, celery, French fries, chicken and much much more.
We then headed to tour the city to see the Olympics birds nest and the cube. All in all a very cold day since we were outside most of the day. Saw a Chinese acrobat show around dinner time, too. To say the least we have been exhausted. We went to bed at 8:30 and enjoyed some pretzels for our dinner.
There have been such extremes for temperature, we have either been freezing or sweating. One day the bus driver had the heat at 85 degrees and yesterday it was so cold that ice formed on the inside of the windows. The thermostat never worked in the hotel room, but thankfully I figured out if I jiggled the window latch enough, I could get it open. ( sshhhh don't tell). We slept with the window open the other night ago, but it it pretty much smelled like a bus stop/foundry in the morning. Pollution is pretty bad.
Speaking of which, We are now waiting at the airport in Beijing and the flight is delayed - maybe fog but more likely its smog. We should have Matthew in the morning!!! Can't believe it!!! I have been experiencing a lot of discomfort in my tooth that was repaired the day before I left. think I may be dealing with an infection in the gum from my root canal. I started the antibiotics I brought this morning to hope I can get past this. I would appreciate any prayers for the tooth and for Matthew as his world is set be flipped upside down.
We then headed to tour the city to see the Olympics birds nest and the cube. All in all a very cold day since we were outside most of the day. Saw a Chinese acrobat show around dinner time, too. To say the least we have been exhausted. We went to bed at 8:30 and enjoyed some pretzels for our dinner.
There have been such extremes for temperature, we have either been freezing or sweating. One day the bus driver had the heat at 85 degrees and yesterday it was so cold that ice formed on the inside of the windows. The thermostat never worked in the hotel room, but thankfully I figured out if I jiggled the window latch enough, I could get it open. ( sshhhh don't tell). We slept with the window open the other night ago, but it it pretty much smelled like a bus stop/foundry in the morning. Pollution is pretty bad.
Speaking of which, We are now waiting at the airport in Beijing and the flight is delayed - maybe fog but more likely its smog. We should have Matthew in the morning!!! Can't believe it!!! I have been experiencing a lot of discomfort in my tooth that was repaired the day before I left. think I may be dealing with an infection in the gum from my root canal. I started the antibiotics I brought this morning to hope I can get past this. I would appreciate any prayers for the tooth and for Matthew as his world is set be flipped upside down.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Day 2 Beijing
We have had FULL day! Started out with breakfast at the hotel, it had a a lot of Chinese and American breakfast items. I can recommend the kiwi flavored yogurt. We left at nine am and took a bus with the other 10 families to a traditional Chinese village called a Hutong (I think???). We traveled through the Hutong on a bike pedaled rickshaw. The driver that "chose" us had Mickey Mouse on the seat. He was a little bit of a show off and liked to drive close to people swerving just to miss them or rubbing his tires against the other rickshaws. We visited the home of a Mrs Wu and she invited our group of 30 into her one room home to have tea and snacks. Don't worry, Mrs Wu was not some random stranger and she regularly provides these tours to adoptive family tour groups. She let me have her picture with her. She is a retired nurse from manchurian descent.
We had a family style dinner with fish, duck, chicken, green beans, Chinese beer, coke products and lots of unidentifiable foods. Everything was really tasty, thankfully the guides order for us. The restaurant even had a western style toilet - a major plus!! We headed off for Tianamon Square and the Forbidden city. My camera started to lose all power and most of those pics are stuck on Jeff's iPhone. Still trying to figure out how to retrieve them. It was very cold out. Several families in our group have brought their children and the kids were quite a hit with the young local teenage girls. They would race over to have their pictures quickly snapped with the kids, especially the blond little boy and the set of girl twins.
We headed out to Pizza Hut - don't judge, sometimes you just need a little comfort food! We went with 5 other families and thankfully one of the moms spoke mandarin!! One of the new pizzas has a ring of hot dogs on it with fried shrimp in the middle. We stuck with the pepperoni. Out of all the meals we have eaten, this is the only one that has left our stomachs a little jumbly. Please pray it passes quickly!
The other families here have been a God send, so nice to have their support and they really are a lot of fun! Two families have adopted here before and One of them is here for their fourth Chinese adoption, so good to rely on their experience.
FYI those weren't gas masks in our room, but masks to escape a fire... Good to know. Also we were able to finally open the window a little bit last night. It finally dropped the room down to a temp we could use a blanket but the pollution was a little heavier
We had a family style dinner with fish, duck, chicken, green beans, Chinese beer, coke products and lots of unidentifiable foods. Everything was really tasty, thankfully the guides order for us. The restaurant even had a western style toilet - a major plus!! We headed off for Tianamon Square and the Forbidden city. My camera started to lose all power and most of those pics are stuck on Jeff's iPhone. Still trying to figure out how to retrieve them. It was very cold out. Several families in our group have brought their children and the kids were quite a hit with the young local teenage girls. They would race over to have their pictures quickly snapped with the kids, especially the blond little boy and the set of girl twins.
We headed out to Pizza Hut - don't judge, sometimes you just need a little comfort food! We went with 5 other families and thankfully one of the moms spoke mandarin!! One of the new pizzas has a ring of hot dogs on it with fried shrimp in the middle. We stuck with the pepperoni. Out of all the meals we have eaten, this is the only one that has left our stomachs a little jumbly. Please pray it passes quickly!
The other families here have been a God send, so nice to have their support and they really are a lot of fun! Two families have adopted here before and One of them is here for their fourth Chinese adoption, so good to rely on their experience.
FYI those weren't gas masks in our room, but masks to escape a fire... Good to know. Also we were able to finally open the window a little bit last night. It finally dropped the room down to a temp we could use a blanket but the pollution was a little heavier
We made it here!!
Arrived in Beijing yesterday afternoon. Flight was llooonnnnggggg, but better than expected. They certainly keep you well fed as you are tightly packed in there. I had noodles and dumpling for breakfast on the plane - not too bad.
So far what we what we have seen of Beijing is very westernized. Our room is very nice and even includes our own gas masks?? We have noticed the Chinese must be very warm people, we are sweating in tshirts while our seatmate had on his jacket and a blanket. Our hotel room and bus have also been quite sweltering.
Having difficulty loading pictures off of iPhone, but will try again later.
So far what we what we have seen of Beijing is very westernized. Our room is very nice and even includes our own gas masks?? We have noticed the Chinese must be very warm people, we are sweating in tshirts while our seatmate had on his jacket and a blanket. Our hotel room and bus have also been quite sweltering.
Having difficulty loading pictures off of iPhone, but will try again later.
Monday, January 21, 2013
MORE NEW PICTURES!!
Another Ohio adoptive mom who was visiting Matthew's orphanage, snapped a bunch of photos of our guy today. I have been going back and forth if I should bring his winter coat or not, I think that was a definite yes to bring it. We are all pretty big disney fans in our family, so it was extra special that he is wearing a Mickey Mouse coat of all things. So glad to see his smile!
We are coming Matthew! Not long now!!!
We are coming Matthew! Not long now!!!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
New Pictures and updates
After waiting over two months for an update of Matthew we finally got one and it came the same day as we got our consulate appointment, a picture from another traveling family and bought our flight tickets - best day ever!!!
The report says he is healthy, weighing in at 25 pounds and 2.5 feet tall. It says he is walking and talking a little bit and he can put on his own socks ( but can he pick dirty ones off the floor?). His hemangioma doesn't look any bigger. He is on the shyer side and prefers to be around adults. He also takes a 2.5 hour nap in the middle of the day and formula at night before bed.
Pink is a very common color for little boys to wear in China, too - I promise! His pink wearing days are short lived :)
The report says he is healthy, weighing in at 25 pounds and 2.5 feet tall. It says he is walking and talking a little bit and he can put on his own socks ( but can he pick dirty ones off the floor?). His hemangioma doesn't look any bigger. He is on the shyer side and prefers to be around adults. He also takes a 2.5 hour nap in the middle of the day and formula at night before bed.
Pink is a very common color for little boys to wear in China, too - I promise! His pink wearing days are short lived :)
Friday, January 18, 2013
Thoughts on Matthew
This might be a crazy rambling post. Tickets are bought and we leave next week!!!! Can't believe this is going to happen. It was such a relief to see pictures of Matthew this week and to hear he is healthy and alive. It is amazing the terrifying thoughts that seep in when you don't know what is going on. We also now have his measurements which will help with all the packing and not having to pack 3 sizes for two drastically different climates.
I want to write also to give you realistic expectations of Matthew. Even though he is almost two years old, he will most likely not act like most two year olds or maybe he will ;) To him, Jeff and I are just going to be two new nannies who don't look, act, smell like anyone he is used to. Having parents and family are a unknown concept. We expect him to be grieving - that could have him shutting down completely, acting out, hitting, kicking, biting, or be in complete terror. My hope is that he learns he can trust us very quickly and we are able to console him. He has always had to live on guard his whole life. He has never known he could count on anyone for very long, trust and relationships have been short lived for him.
We have been told to treat him as a newborn. Keep him close, not to venture too much from home, hold him a lot, keep him sleeping near us. We have been told to spoil him. As our agency director said - his love bank is empty. We need to drop in plenty quarter size deposits so he becomes to believe that we are the best nannies he has ever had - for there he can trust us and learn that parents and family are forever. Our kids here, have always received hugs, kisses and and know they can always count on their parents to be with them they are scared or sick. Parents have made deposits of love their whole lives. Kids in orphanages, not so. No one held them while they were sick, no one celebrated all their firsts, no one hugs them in the morning and kisses them good night. Thankfully, we believe that Matthew has received a better life in the orphanage than most, but it is still a poor substitute for a family. We are not going to push him. We are going to try not to scold too much, but do a lot of redirecting. we need to show him we love him no matter what. no matter how is he is acting bad or good. We are going to scale back on all the things that steal our time, so we have plenty to give all our children. I say all of these things because that is what I hope happens, but I know we will continually fall short.
So hopefully grace abounds - with Matthew for us and for us with him, for people who may wonder why we have gone this path, for the stares he will receive because of his medical condition, for the acting out and for the all tears - grace can cover it all. We know that takes time, we wait with great expectation for this little boy to blossom and become everything God has called him to be.
I want to write also to give you realistic expectations of Matthew. Even though he is almost two years old, he will most likely not act like most two year olds or maybe he will ;) To him, Jeff and I are just going to be two new nannies who don't look, act, smell like anyone he is used to. Having parents and family are a unknown concept. We expect him to be grieving - that could have him shutting down completely, acting out, hitting, kicking, biting, or be in complete terror. My hope is that he learns he can trust us very quickly and we are able to console him. He has always had to live on guard his whole life. He has never known he could count on anyone for very long, trust and relationships have been short lived for him.
We have been told to treat him as a newborn. Keep him close, not to venture too much from home, hold him a lot, keep him sleeping near us. We have been told to spoil him. As our agency director said - his love bank is empty. We need to drop in plenty quarter size deposits so he becomes to believe that we are the best nannies he has ever had - for there he can trust us and learn that parents and family are forever. Our kids here, have always received hugs, kisses and and know they can always count on their parents to be with them they are scared or sick. Parents have made deposits of love their whole lives. Kids in orphanages, not so. No one held them while they were sick, no one celebrated all their firsts, no one hugs them in the morning and kisses them good night. Thankfully, we believe that Matthew has received a better life in the orphanage than most, but it is still a poor substitute for a family. We are not going to push him. We are going to try not to scold too much, but do a lot of redirecting. we need to show him we love him no matter what. no matter how is he is acting bad or good. We are going to scale back on all the things that steal our time, so we have plenty to give all our children. I say all of these things because that is what I hope happens, but I know we will continually fall short.
So hopefully grace abounds - with Matthew for us and for us with him, for people who may wonder why we have gone this path, for the stares he will receive because of his medical condition, for the acting out and for the all tears - grace can cover it all. We know that takes time, we wait with great expectation for this little boy to blossom and become everything God has called him to be.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Leaving on a jet plane!!
Going to be bringing our boy home!!!!! Travel plans are in progress. Can't believe this is true!!! I also had a surprise picture waiting for me today too. It's not any toddler boy that can pull off so much pink clothing. Feeling so blessed!!!!!
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
No travel dates or riding roller coasters - YET!
Sorry no travel dates yet! I paperwork has finally found its final resting place, though a week later than expected. It will be miracle if we now get to travel in January, it is looking more like mid February. We have been busy trying to get everything together to take with us and getting our house in order. Its like waiting for the go ahead to have your life flipped upside down. Oh life flipping please come soon!!!
It was just a little over a year ago, that Jeff turned to me while we were riding in the car and asked if I still wanted to adopt. We had originally talked about adoption early on in our life together because we weren't sure if we would be able to become pregnant due to some previous health problems. That myth was soon dispelled. Over the years I would jokingly throw adoption around, but nothing really serious. That was something other people did, not our family. It was about 4-5 years ago, God really brought it to my attention. A friend from college, adopted a little girl from China. Their journey pretty much rocked my world and my thinking. Our friend even suggested we think about adopting, too. Yeah right! Again that was something other people did...
None the less, I decided to put adoption on the last page of my journal and I mentioned it in my prayers. I was revisiting that list last December and went whooaa. It still was on my mind and heart. I started looking at my life, too. We were really at a nice comfortable time in our lives, did I really want to rock this boat? Hello? - we have a child going to college soon and we were in the midst of our ten years of fixing up the house. Hello? - my kids go to bed by themselves and no one is in diapers. We had no toys in our living room! No big stores of cash hanging around to finance an adoption either. And we can all finally ride all the roller coasters together we want ( ok that one was lame!).
So, I changed my prayer a bit... I asked God if this was something he wanted us to do please make it ok with Jeff's heart and have him come to me. Jeff is my planner and he is so practical and sensible. A trait that I originally didn't appreciate, but I really have come to love. I needed to hear it was a good idea, not just a crazy idea of mine. I also needed to hear he wanted this as badly as I did and that we at least had a chance to make it happen. I also mentioned in my prayer, that if Jeff never came to me or didn't have a heart for it that I would be ok with that, too. So when he turned to me in the car a few weeks later, his heart really was in the same place as mine. God does answer prayers. Over the past year, when I have felt overwhelmed - Jeff has been our biggest cheerleader. It is an amazing feeling to jump off the side of a cliff holding hands with Mr Practical. Thank you God for giving me just the person you made for me.
It also has been a tough year. Can I tell you something weird though, it has given us the ability to step out of our everyday lives and look at everything in a totally different way. The stuff that mattered last year, doesn't really seem to matter so much this year. Two people that were "done having kids" have aching hearts to be parents to a little boy that they don't even know, who will leave toys in the living room, wear diapers and not be able to ride roller coasters in the near future. Money that was no where near budgeted, has "shown up" along the way just when we needed it and we squeaked by. People have said Matthew is so blessed to be getting a family, but the bigger blessings are really ours and more are yet to come.
It was just a little over a year ago, that Jeff turned to me while we were riding in the car and asked if I still wanted to adopt. We had originally talked about adoption early on in our life together because we weren't sure if we would be able to become pregnant due to some previous health problems. That myth was soon dispelled. Over the years I would jokingly throw adoption around, but nothing really serious. That was something other people did, not our family. It was about 4-5 years ago, God really brought it to my attention. A friend from college, adopted a little girl from China. Their journey pretty much rocked my world and my thinking. Our friend even suggested we think about adopting, too. Yeah right! Again that was something other people did...
None the less, I decided to put adoption on the last page of my journal and I mentioned it in my prayers. I was revisiting that list last December and went whooaa. It still was on my mind and heart. I started looking at my life, too. We were really at a nice comfortable time in our lives, did I really want to rock this boat? Hello? - we have a child going to college soon and we were in the midst of our ten years of fixing up the house. Hello? - my kids go to bed by themselves and no one is in diapers. We had no toys in our living room! No big stores of cash hanging around to finance an adoption either. And we can all finally ride all the roller coasters together we want ( ok that one was lame!).
So, I changed my prayer a bit... I asked God if this was something he wanted us to do please make it ok with Jeff's heart and have him come to me. Jeff is my planner and he is so practical and sensible. A trait that I originally didn't appreciate, but I really have come to love. I needed to hear it was a good idea, not just a crazy idea of mine. I also needed to hear he wanted this as badly as I did and that we at least had a chance to make it happen. I also mentioned in my prayer, that if Jeff never came to me or didn't have a heart for it that I would be ok with that, too. So when he turned to me in the car a few weeks later, his heart really was in the same place as mine. God does answer prayers. Over the past year, when I have felt overwhelmed - Jeff has been our biggest cheerleader. It is an amazing feeling to jump off the side of a cliff holding hands with Mr Practical. Thank you God for giving me just the person you made for me.
It also has been a tough year. Can I tell you something weird though, it has given us the ability to step out of our everyday lives and look at everything in a totally different way. The stuff that mattered last year, doesn't really seem to matter so much this year. Two people that were "done having kids" have aching hearts to be parents to a little boy that they don't even know, who will leave toys in the living room, wear diapers and not be able to ride roller coasters in the near future. Money that was no where near budgeted, has "shown up" along the way just when we needed it and we squeaked by. People have said Matthew is so blessed to be getting a family, but the bigger blessings are really ours and more are yet to come.
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