You have so much going for you, but....

One of the greatest conversations anyone ever had with me went something like "you and your family look like you have so much going for you, but it doesn't look like you have a relationship with God".  This was said by a very sweet friend in a very sincere way.  Wow, how did she know? I had been struggling for some time.  I grew up in the church and even still went on occasion and I even prayed at times.  It was hard for me seeing God as a loving God.  He had lots of rules and anytime I tried to read the Bible it just seemed full of people who were pretty awful.  I was going through life not breaking any major commandments, why would God care about what I did?  A lot of people I saw in churches were pretty flawed, why would I want to go hang with them? Surely he needed to focus on people who had it much worse than me.  I am a pretty good person, right? So why was I still struggling? 

I had so much anxiety.  I had new plans all the time that I thought would fill this vacant hole in my life that I could never get rid of.  If I just.... I will become a wife and mom. Go to college.  That should fix it! Nope.  I will have a successful job - nope.  I will be the best volunteer and help others and put in 110% -  that should bring some fulfillment for sure. New hobbies, clothes, hair styles, vacations, self improvement, home renovations, exercise  -   I had all the things the world told me that would make me complete and whole - but I didn't feel that way.  

Can you relate? Does there seem to be something missing? Are you trying to fill this hole in your life and it still feels empty?  

Some things in my life changed over night and somethings were more gradual. Many things are still a work in process.  I finally confessed to God how much I needed him and I began to see he had been knocking at the front door of my life all this time -  and he cared for  me and wanted me to know him.  Slowly the words in the Bible became real and the stories were no longer about awful people, but flawed people that God still worked in their lives.  My prayers started to move away from ones like please keep me safe on a airplane to telling him how i felt.  I began to see he was in EVERY part of my life.   How had I missed this? 

The biggest things are now knowing his joy and peace.  Oh how he loves us.   Yes I still worry, but now it's so much easier saying God please take this and have your way.  Yes there are still consequences, struggles and there is still pain -but something is so different.  Because his way is best, no matter what.  He cares.  He doesn't give us what we surely deserve and if we ask he forgives us over and over again.  He isn't some stern Father waiting for us to mess up.  He wants what's best for us and it's not going to be like what the world says what is best for us. But what he has to give is amazing and beyond compare.  Being in a relationship with God, doesn't me make now have it all together - it makes me loved and forgiven.  It makes me know how much I need him.  

Guess what - he wants a relationship with you right NOW.  He isn't waiting for you to change or for your to get your act together.  It isn't about you being a good person, it's about you being a loved person.  And He wants to be a part of your life right here and now. Are you willing?

Chinese New Year 2016

We are making progress to celebrate Chinese New Year (Lunar New Year) here in our home.  This is the biggest holiday in China and other Asian countries.  It also accounts for the biggest migration of people at one time in the whole world as people return to their hometowns to celebrate with their families.  So, while we watched the Super Bowl and the little ones were asleep, I decorated our downstairs.  I started picking up red lanterns last year and I finally had enough to hang from our ceilings.  I also bought some silk peach blossoms and made my version of a wishing tree.  I went to the Asian market and purchased several spring happiness poems and wall hangings with Chinese characters.  I have tried to figure out what the actual characters mean, but haven't had any luck.  The joke at our house is that the hangings probably say "eat at Joes" or " A-1 hemorrhoid medicine".  We even tried to use chop sticks and had tradition red envelopes.  Instead of fireworks, we used poppers.  I have also been trying to collect books about China and Lunar New Year. 

We had a new year meal with homemade dumplings, fried rice, longevity noodles, mandarin oranges, green beans, lettuce wraps, moon cakes and salad - and Chinese beer!  We were able to have some family and friends also join us this year.  The past two years I have really good notions to start celebrating, but last year getting ready to bring Grace home kind of ruled out much of anything.  This year we were also able to celebrate at a restaurant with some other families with children adopted from China.  

It's very easy to forget that Grace and Matthew are Chinese.  They speak, eat, and act like Americans in every sense.  I often forget that I didn't give birth to them, they really are so much like us.  Any of the Chinese language they do know at this point, is really only because we listen to Chinese children CDs and watch Chinese YouTube.    I

Ready to go to our local CNY celebration with other adoptive families.

Wishing Tree

Here is a really sweet commercial about chinese new year.  It makes me tear up every time I watch it.  It's easy to forget what Grace and Matt are missing because they have gained so much, but then I watch videos like this and it comes rushing in.  It makes me think of their birth parents and families. I am sure they must be wondering about the children they gave up.   It makes me think a beautiful country that don't really know as their own.  Foods and culture that they don't remember. I hope one day they can find out more about their birth country and even their birth parents.  Maybe even know what the Mandarin wall hangings say...